In a totally abstract fashion,  the way Cliff Curtis as “Searle”. Is completely blown away by the power of the visual experience looking into the sun,  ”for me”  translates to something like the  ”mystical  experience” that I had while skydiving.

The clip bellow is a trance piece ” Alex M.O.R.P.H. – Sunshine (Nitrous Oxide Mix)” made by djmarkr1972 who does a fantastic job mixing Sunshine imagery with the track. He’s done a great job and brings the thing  together to amplify “Searle’s” experience in a totally hypnotic and powerful way.

Butterfly on my finger

The child whispered, “God, speak to me”
And a meadow lark sang.
The child did not hear.

So the child yelled, “God, speak to me!”
And the thunder rolled across the sky
But the child did not listen.

The child looked around and said,
“God let me see you” and a star shone brightly
But the child did not notice.

And the child shouted,
“God show me a miracle!”
And a life was born but the child did not know.

So the child cried out in despair,
“Touch me God, and let me know you are here!”
Whereupon God reached down
And touched the child.

But the child brushed the butterfly away
And walked away unknowingly.

Ravindra Kumar Karnani
(Old Hindu poem)

http://www.openhandweb.org/profound_spiritual_quotes_4

“Now, there’s the God they taught me about at school. And there is the God that’s hidden by what surrounds us in this civilization. That’s the God I met.”
Joseph Kittinger.
First Man in Space – Skydiving From The Edge Of The World

Is there anybody in there?

“After 20 years, you analyze a lot. You remember people, heroism. “The Miracle of the Andes”, that’s what they called it. Many people come up to me and say that had they been there, they surely would have died. But it makes no sense, because until you’re in a… situation like that… you… you have no idea… how you’d behave. To be affronted by solitude without decadence or a… single material thing to prostitute it elevates you to a sprititual plane, where I felt the presence of God. Now, there’s the God they taught me about at school. And there is the God that’s hidden by what surrounds us in this civilization. That’s the God I met.
Joseph Kittinger.
First Man in Space – Skydiving From The Edge Of The World

Lyrics to In A State : By Unkle

My mind is in a state
‘Cause all i seem to do is tempt my fate
Well i try every space
But all the while we’re crushing at the gate
This time, this time
Reality struck me between the eyes
My mind is in a state
‘Cause everything i miss it comes too late
So i try and disappear
But there is only one way out of here
This time, this time
Reality struck me between the eyes
My mind is in a state
But all i need to do is change my pace
And i know there’s fear to face
But happiness is firm in its embrace
This time

A little bit of  recent history for your information.

In the days preempting my sudden decision to do a sky dive (the second jump actually, the first being for my 30th birthday) I would have been comfortable describing myself as a pragmatic, atheist/nihilist. I remember being under an intense personal pressure to “face my fears”  inspired in part by Ian Brown’s song “F.E.A.R”,  but also I guess I was going through one of  my regular  ”fight club moments“.  This is also the first time that I realized that I truly am a masochist. I had avoided that word in my inner dialog before now because of the obvious psycho-sexual quip that  is a constant souse of humor in pop culture and which does not describe me very well at all “well maybe just a little”. Ok, I like a little pain but doesn’t everybody?  Anyway It recently occurred to me that many people are naturally masochistic, it’s actually a part of the human condition it would seem. Doing some research into the word masochism a broader understanding of the word becomes clear.

masochism - noun

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/masochism

Ignore the first and maybe the last points and focus on the middle two, because that is what has mush broader implications for all of us.

If you consider them very thoughtfully it could be applied to many normal behaviors and also many psychological ailments out there. Bulimia, anorexia,  anxiety, paranoia, even machoisum, the list goes on and on. Why do we humans so love to drink, smoke, take drugs, get into fights, gamble etc, Go on scary rides at a fun park? Do just about anything fun and you might be at risk of being a masochist. Still not sure? Then how about watching the evening news? Why bring such pain into your life? Watched any horror movies lately or thrillers? Actually watched anything lately? Tension is always the backbone of any good movie, play, book or television show and tension has a close cousin called anxiety. Bring me a person who isn’t a masochist on some level in some way. There are some people who are not, but they are very rare individuals indeed.

The promise

So on the day before I picked up the phone and booked myself in for the jump my inner masochist prodded me with a very lucrative promise, ” facing my fears and I would become the owner of myself and ruler of my destiny, along with it was a feeling of self worth, glory, even power!   After all you’ve gotta die sometime right? So jump the chasm youve nothing to lose, do it!” I just needed some guts thats all. “Hmm” I thought. “easier said than done”. “The “Ego” is a very complex creature indeed, some times its actions are positive and sometimes plain dangerous, not all bad and not all good and this time I guess the Ego, “the monkey’s” cruel pleasures had gone to far.

Why was this decision to do the scariest thing  I could imagine the catalyst for transformation? Looking back, I really don’t know. Maybe I had popped a diode, was it a crisis? One thing I can say for sure the Monkey would never have expected such an outcome, because it exposed its one true weakness to me and in doing so gave me the answer to how I want to live my life.

What happened?

When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you.

Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 – 1900)

On the way out the airplane door I pop an even bigger diode, this time that diode was the monkey itself!  The one that had hidden my true nature from me for so long had vanished for at least a few moments.  The monkey “metaphorically speaking”, crapped itself and ran away. In those first few seconds plunging headlong into the yawning abyss of fear and uncertainty that opened up before my startled eyes, all pretense promulgated by the ego now extinguished and a silence befell me like nothing I have ever experienced before, leaving what I now know as my true being, my real inner essence took in all that had been hidden my the monkey mind and at that moment I knew there was someone else inside me and not just the monkey I had identified with as “myself” all this time.  I had to know what on earth just happened!

Hmm, Id like this thing to be a thoughtful investigation into why we self  righteous apes with no hair who call our selves human are “here” and what “being here” means, both in the here and now and in the greater scheme of things, It would be nice to take on some crazy philiosophical questions and get away with it but we’ll see what happens. I dont hold any notion as to how this thing will evolve but Ive got a general idea and plenty of material and web references up my sleeve to get the old ball rolling.

Might start by linking one of my favourit clips from the Boards of Canada –  Everything you Do is a Balloon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQEmaj9C6ko